


Maybe our love can live to see another dawn

by LarytaDaftJustice



Category: Justice (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:29:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarytaDaftJustice/pseuds/LarytaDaftJustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"At that time, it didn't hurt to think in ending our... "relationship"... Or whatever we had. It felt like the right thing to do, like the perfect solution for my intern struggles... And most of all, it was the reassuring hug that calmed my fears."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe our love can live to see another dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic requested by kavinswag on Tumblr! Hope you all like it!  
> It's based in the lyrics of Breakbot's song, Another dawn.  
> For the ones who have never listened to it, here are the lyrics: http://www.lyrics.com/another-dawn-lyrics-breakbot.html  
> And here is the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1J_5-74jE0

There were no reasons more than my own stupidity. Now the damage it's done... There's no turning back.  
I let him go and I thought I would be alright. I thought we could still be together as friends and still make our music without feeling any pain, and maybe for a while I wasn't that much mistaken. I even thought that someday he would find somebody else and I would be happy for him... And maybe I could find somebody to love too.

I'm outside our apartment; the roof seems a much better place to be tonight, at least better than being inside with everyone else. I can't care less about the rain falling down on me. I can't care less what all of our friends will say about me being antisocial lately. This isn't working. Not with him hugging that asshole infront of me. Even if it's not like I wasn't an asshole when I was with him... If not, I would have never left.  
He deserves this. He deserves someone who takes care of him, someone who can hug him in bed at night without being clouded with his own thoughts, like I did. I have always said to myself that he deserved better, someone who could be with him at all the time... Someone who wouldn't doubt.  
I haven't been that person. I haven't loved him right 'cause I was too blind, too scared. I've been trying to make him smile since that day, pretending that everything was fine, that nothing had ever happened.

In moments like this, when we are not together, sometimes I get the feeling that he's calling me. It feels like if I would have some kind of connection with him, and he’s asking me to come back by his side. Sometimes I can't help to fantasise with us being together again, remembering all those times when he corraled me against a wall, far away of everyone’s sight.

\- You're going to catch a cold... – I hear him saying at my back.

I turn around and there he is. Looking at me with soft eyes. His hair is getting wet and little drops fall from the tip of his long locks. He can't look more beautiful or more distant from my reach.

\- I don’t care... I needed to think for a while... - I answer with a monotone voice. My cigarette is getting wet between my fingers too.

-What’s wrong? - His voice is a whisper, swallowed by the sound of the rain falling over us.

-Nothing...

-Gaspard...

-Xavier, there’s no reason for me to talk about this with you. - Xavier's brows are lifted up in concern. I can’t look at him anymore so I choose to stare at the sky.

\- Is it about us? - He's suddenly too close, resting a hand on my cheek to make me look down at him. Those eyes... I wish I could make them glow like I used to.

-Yes... - I admit after a minute of silence. - It is...

He sighs and his gaze gets lost in the distance, but his hand is still touching me, like if he wouldn't notice that it is still there.

In my mind, the memories of that terrible day are coming back. I can remember every little detail, like a curse, like a punishment. At that time, it didn't hurt to think in ending our... "relationship"... Or whatever we had. It felt like the right thing to do, like the perfect solution for my intern struggles... And most of all, it was the reassuring hug that calmed my fears.  
But I do remember too, that twist of guilt and sadness when the first tear fell from his eyes.

\- I miss you. - I whisper and when he finally returns me the look I can tell that this is wrong. I shouldn't be saying this things to him, but I can't help it. – I thought I was alright but now...

-What changed now? - The rain seems to be making an awful amount of noise when I find myself not being able to open my mouth to answer, but my silence tells everything to him. – It’s him... That's what has changed. - My gaze falls to the ground. I don't even need to nod. He knows, he always knows.

-I'm so sorry.... - I feel like an asshole 'cause I can't stop apologizing. He deserves better... And I don't deserve him. - I just can't see you two together. It's killing me. 

I raise my head to look at him but now is Xavier the one with his face down, his eyes hidden by his fringe. His hand slides from my cheek and falls to his side. I wish I could touch him, but I don't dare to do it. After the longest minute of my life he takes a step back and turns around. Then, like if an electric shock would have traveled through his body, he starts to run away rom me, opening the door of the roof and disappearing down the stairs.  
I feel like we have a magnet trying to pull us together so I start chasing him. He doesn't stop in our apartment, I call his name but he doesn't turn around. We are out in the street and I have a feeling that I know where he's going.  
He runs a few blocks and I find that I was right, in front of us I can see the same bridge were I found him after the night we broke. He always comes here when he needs to think, staring at the water running down the river.  
The sound of the rain hitting the surface of the water and my own footsteps against the metal when we start to run over the bridge are the only things I can hear now. The weather is getting worst, the little summer rain is now a huge storm. It feels like if I would be taking a shower with my clothes on, but I don't care, my head is almost as clouded as the sky anyways.  
He stops but he doesn't turns around, and I reach him, breathing heavily. I can tell by the way that his shoulders move that he's trying to catch his breath too.

\- Why are you doing this to me? - He says in a lower voice that I wouldn't be able to hear if I wouldn't be as close as I am right now. - Why do you have to tell me this when, for the first time in years, I'm starting to feel better?

There again, is that twist of guilt in the pit of my stomach. He's right, I'm being a selfish bastard.  
Finally he turns around and stares at me. I can't tell if he's crying or not, the rain has left his face all wet. It's getting darker again, even if it's already time for the sun to start to rise, and the street lights are turning on. The light of one of them, near to us, makes something glow in Xavier's chest.

\- Is that a key? - Xavier looks down. There, hanging of a necklace, it's a little pendant with the form of a key. He opens his mouth in disbelief and I realise that I have seen the chain hide under the collar of his shirt for years but I have never seen what pendant hanged from it. - Does this means...?

\- Yes... - He cuts me off. - Yes, it does...

\- All of these years? - My heart is beating like crazy. How something so little can symbolize something so big?

\- I have always loved you. Always... - He says and crumbles over me. 

My arms are instantly hugging him. Wet body against wet body.

\- I'm so sorry. 

\- Stop fucking apologizing! - He answers against my shirt. - If you don't want for me to be hurt then fucking love me back!

\- I do. – I say in a whisper and his body stiffens.

\- Quoi?

\- I love you, Xavier. I think I always knew I did, but I was so afraid. You're my best friend, my brother. Feeling these things is dangerous.

\- Why? – He looks up and our eyes meet.

\- Cause... Cause... - I suck in a breath. - I have never loved someone like I love you. It's too strong. I want to protect you, I want to be there for you, I want to hold you close and watch you sleep... I don't want for anyone to ever hurt you. And I'm such an asshole... Feeling these things is something that changes your life, that makes you bulnerable to everything that the other person says and... And what if I do something wrong? What if I'm the one who makes you feel pain?

\- It's too late for that.

\- I know! - I rub my eyes with two fingers, but I'm secretly wiping away my tears.

A gentle hand takes mine away and doesn't allow me to keep on hiding my face. His eyes seem to be searching for something deep in my soul.

\- Then do something about it. - He says and I don't have time to react before our lips are pressed together. After a second of surprise, I kiss him back. 

Maybe it's not too late. Maybe we have a chance to make this work. Vaguely I register that the storm has become again in a soft rain and the orange sunlight of a new dawn it's starting to strain itself between the clouds.

\- Can you forgive me? - I whisper when our kiss breaks.

\- As much as I want to be mad at you... I just can't. - He frowns and sighs. - Ever since that day it's been too hard to carry on. I can't... I can't live without you.

I kiss him again while the whole world disappears and my hands get lost in his hair. 

\- I'll show you how wrong I was. I'll show you how much I've always loved you. I swear, you'll never feel pain again. I swear...

\- It's ok... As long as you love me, I will always be happy. – He mumbles and I melt on the inside. From now on, everything will be ok.


End file.
